Monday, July 26, 2010
The Ex: He/She should feel eternally remorseful for screwing up your relationship even if you were to blame. Seeing you all gorgeous will invoke feelings of regret, and they may actually begin to believe it was all their fault. (like you keep saying!).
The Exs’ Current Girl/Boyfriend: Looking better than this person and knowing they are feeding on your sloppy seconds is a feeling I can only equate with finding a designer bag on sale and then finding an additional coupon in the bottom of your purse.
The Crush – No one is drooling over a pair of sweatpants with brownie stains on them.
The Frenemy - Those ugly step sisters are just waiting to trip you up with their big un-manicured feet. Don’t validate the gossip they are spreading about you.
The Boss or Potential New Boss – Who wants to promote/hire someone who can’t even wash their hair before going out in public? In the presence of your career gatekeepers you must always look successful at everything you are doing, even if it is a task as menial as picking out frozen vegetables at the grocery store. On the odd chance your boss thinks you are a loser he/she will be jealous that you are a better looking "loser" then they are.
Looking top of your game at all times is the best line of defense against this army of ruthless critics, who might I just add are all armed with camera phones! Thanks technology gods now everyone on Facebook and Twitter can see me doing the walk of shame through Target at 4 in the afternoon.
If you don't feel impressive stay home! You are going to walk into a war you can’t win without lip-gloss and a shiny pair of pumps!
“Dress like you are always attending the ball” – Cinderella